So, this is the deal. This is how I am feeling today about the last few amazing weeks in Africa (South Africa, Swaziland and Zimbabwe) and, of course, how I am processing what I have seen and done, and what I am seeing and doing now.
I’ve got to say, I am tired and grumpy today. Today it hit home that I am no longer getting daily stimulus from being in Africa. Today I am living off memories, photos and notes. And I am afraid that I am not being terribly good about all that. I am glad to be home but I am fearing that I will take some of the life transforming stuff that occurred and water it down, that I will simply be a teller of travel anecdotes and not a teller of important stories. And yes, as much as I revel in being the center of attention, I am struggling with something that I was warned of: just because you had an amazing experience in Africa, it doesn’t mean everyone will share that experience and be excited by it.
In my absence, life has gone on. I sensed that pretty strongly today. No one was really keen to see photos, and while some asked about the stories, there wasn’t a great opportunity to share. I need to share, that much has become obvious to me. To be fair the settings haven’t been the best place to do it. And I’ve only just got back!!! But I want to share and understand what has “transfigured me” and I left today feeling a lot flatter than I started it. I miss the experiences. I fear forgetting. I fear that my weaker human nature will sideline what God has being saying…again…
So, this will be my place of thrashing out. Here, at least, I can ramble to my heart’s content and not impinge on the lives of others. Here, I can be as obsessed by Africa as I need to be without boring people. I can finish thoughts and develop the sense of “call” again. What does it mean to have been called in 1993 to the Democratic Republic of the Congo? What was going on when in the three times that I tried to go, the civil war encroached further into the area that the mission I was going with worked in? And what does it mean, as a happily married man with 3 young kids, to contemplate that sense of call again? What could “partnering” with Africa look like?
So, if all of this is a bit too self obsessed, feel free to ignore it. To be honest, it’s not for you. But if you do take an interest, you can do something really great for me. Don’t just glance through the album on Facebook. Ask me stuff, be patient in the listening, and help me remember the last few weeks and the feelings that went with it, and possibly help me see the future path that bit clearer.
June 21, 2009 at 12:03 pm |
I was looking through your photos on Facebook earlier today and I was thinking, “Man, I wish these had more descriptions with them”
I would love to catch up with you so we can talk about your trip!
Flick me an e-mail/facebook/phone sometime to sort out a time to catch up.
June 22, 2009 at 2:16 am |
Will do Sam, will do. Catch up soon!
June 21, 2009 at 4:44 pm |
Hi Craig,
I can completely relate. I’m having a transfigurative Africa experience as well, and as hard as I am working to keep a blog and upload photos and video to share I’ve realized that people are as busy as ever back home. I get the sense that no one understands the significance of this experience…probably because they don’t. It’s MY experience, and mine alone to process and pray about in terms of how God will use it to fulfill his purpose. I find myself feeling impatient about not knowing exactly what that purpose is…I’m eager to know and grasp it for fear that I will forget all of this if I can’t. The hardest part is having faith in this unfolding journey – that God will make clear that purpose through all of this and provide a way to fulfill it.
I can’t wait to hear more about your time in Swaziland and Zimbabwe. I will definitely be checking back to hear more!
Amahoro, my friend!
J.J.
June 22, 2009 at 2:19 am |
Amahoro JJ!
What a sensible comment! I totally resonate with that, especially working out what the clear purpose of all of this is. Checked out your blog the other day and had a chuckle at the monkeys at Cyara again…us tourists giggling and snapping and the staff chasing them off.
Hope Burundi continues to blow your mind.
Blessings
CB
June 22, 2009 at 7:03 am |
Craig,
So true… others will not get it, because they were not there. So part of the task of returning is to offer them grace, for they know not what they missed. But do not let go of the experiences or short-cut through the processing. You encountered a burning bush (or two) and you need to take off your shoes, stand there, and be still. God is at work in you and in Africa… now it is discerning how those two connect.
But do go easy on those around you, they do not intend to hurt you, diminish your experience or dampen your spirit. There is just a part of it that they cannot enter with you, a part that is yours alone to steward, cherish and unpack.
I’ll be reading along…
June 22, 2009 at 8:45 am |
Hey bru (that’s ‘mate’ in South Afrianese),
I can only imagine what it is like trying to process so many powerful yet confusing experiences, images and memories from your flying visit to Africa. I have lived here all my life (going back hundreds of years – not that I have lived quite that long, but my ancestors live on in me) and it still confuses the hell out of me! One thing I can tell you is that you will never make rational sense of it. Africa is a state of mind that has to be lived, it cannot be explained. It is the smell and the air and the rythym of Africa that vibrates with life and meaning. It connects you to your primal self. Joseph Conrad’s ‘Heart of Darkness’ conveys something of that, albeit in a colonial (sometimes racist) way. But what you discover in yourself is the paradox of beauty and suffering, joy and misery, co-existing in one, messy whole. Sometimes you float, and sometimes you drown. But whatever it does to you, you know that in Africa you are fully alive!
Take care my friend,
M.
June 23, 2009 at 1:14 pm |
Craig,
Would love to hear you. Spent a year in a small room with your passion for Africa and my passion for ministry. Would love to hear you renewed searching and thoughts!
Who knows may shed light on mine!
Andrew